drear | don't pretend, don't pretend

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don't pretend, don't pretend

[ After changing into afternoon clothes laid out for him, Noiz gets into the car and sits quietly in the backseat. His father is with him, but they don't exchange anything beyond a glance or two until they're arriving at the lake.

Already the maids have begun setting up an afternoon tea service on the patio. Noiz's father opens the back car door and leads him out. The hand on his wrist is tight and he sits down hard on one of the chairs. ]

You understand how important this is, don't you? [ His father is standing behind him as he smooths a hand over his hair. ] Wilhelm.

[ Noiz nods. As little as he likes the sound of his given name, he tries to focus on sitting naturally, acting natural, when the situation is anything but. Of the alphas he's met before, most were closely related to him. And this will be the first time he's ever been alone with one. —well. Relatively alone, since the house employees will be nearby. But if they sense any kind of intimate activity, Noiz has no doubt they'll find themselves busy in other areas of the estate.

But he can do this. He can be what his father wants. The pressure of his family, society, and most importantly, the success of his younger brother, weighs on him. His stomach is already in knots. The whole morning and even the day before he'd felt uneasy and too warm, as if coming down with a fever. At least he doesn't have much time to dwell on it when he hears another car coming down the road to park in the lot. His father claps him firmly on the shoulder as he straightens and walks away to greet the newcomers.

When he hears footsteps coming up the porch steps, Noiz raises his eyes slightly. He hardly moves otherwise. ]

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[Steve stands in front of the mirror, adjusting the tie knotted too tightly at his throat, staring at himself longer than he should. His ma's assistant has already been by twice to tell him to hurry but he can't make himself step towards the door. Today's the day he meets his.. betrothed? It's an old fashioned term but he doesn't know what else to call it. They're being set up. Arranged. They'll be forced to sit through an awkward 'tea' meeting where all the final agreements are made, decisions that neither him nor the omega get a say in, and then they'll have to breed.

Not mate, not bond, but breed. If they can get pregnant quickly, then they'll be made to marry and bond only after the nuptials. He understands compatible alphas and omegas are rare, both their designations are highly uncommon. The majority are betas or undesignated and even they support the push to get offspring from his and his betrothed's kind. The children are stronger, smarter, healthier, and more likely to be alpha or omega. Science can't seem to find a way to manufacture either, leaving it up to the rare few who present the way they had to breed.

Whether they want to or not. Whether they've even met or not.

Steve's never had an omega. Those that he's had the chance to meet were already bonded and well-protected, but their scent did little to attract him. He knows that's because they aren't unbonded, don't give off the hormones that tell an alpha to knot and knock them up. The problem isn't that he doesn't want to bond or find an omega he's compatible with, he wants to fall in love on his own terms with someone that will allow him to be the alpha he is without judgement but also softer when he wants that too. Another part of the problem is that he doesn't like being told what to do. By anyone.

Sighing, he strides out of his room and slides into the car, listening to his ma ramble on about the benefits of their offspring and the union they'll have. Strong families have to unite. Their children are the future. They are new money with no support and they need the connections his betrothed's family will give them. Again, it all makes sense from a financial, societal, traditional, and genetic standpoint but he doesn't like it. When they pull up to the house, he shifts uncomfortably in the seat and brushes his hair back from his forehead. He's sweating, but chalks it up to nerves.

As his ma speaks to his likely-soon-to-be father in law, he glances over his shoulder at the slim blond sitting on the patio. They'll get to sit with one another for a little while before they'll be expected to see just how compatible they are. He shakes the man's hand and then brushes past him, striding over and extending his hand to the omega with all the confidence he has.]

Steven Grant. [The lake was beautiful, the scenery picturesque but it did nothing to ease him.] You're Wilhelm?

[That was name he'd been told so he assumes that's who this is.]

[ With the breeze off the lake, the air is fresh. Noiz knows the inside of the lake house his family owns is airy and bright in comparison to the family home. He likes it better here. Or at least, he did whenever he was allowed to come and play when he was younger.

Once he presented, being allowed to play on his own no longer occurred. His father kept him inside or under watch with a strong, protective hand, some of his alpha tendencies extending to his actions regarding his family as well.

But the moment Steven steps forward between him and the water, all Noiz can smell is him. The scent of an alpha floods warmth through his chest.

He pulls himself to stand after a moment. Reaching out, he takes Steven's hand and shakes it the way he'd been instructed many times: firmly enough to seem willing, gently enough to appear unassertive. ]

Yes. [ Of course he doesn't mention that he prefers the ridiculous nickname Theo gave him. Noiz doesn't remind him of his father and his father's disappointment. He looks up at Steve once, then drops his gaze and his hand to gesture at the chair that's placed across the table from his. ]

Please... sit.

[Steve grips Noiz's hand more tightly than he means to, shoulders pinching up around his chin as the omega's scent hits him. It's sweet and he can't place what it reminds him of other than a feeling - home, comfort. Steve's never experienced anything quite like it. Releasing Noiz's hand, he licks his lips and takes a few necessary steps back. He doesn't know what to do with the discovery that the omega smells so good so he'll ignore it for now.

He focuses, instead, on the 'perfect' handshake he'd received and the almost demure way the omega drops his gaze. It's submissive and appropriate and annoys the hell out of him. Steve drops heavily into the chair across from him and scoots in so he can rest his hands on the table.]

Our parents want us to get to know one another. So lets do that.

[His tone is curt. Brows furrowed and anger lines etched into his forehead. It's obvious he's unhappy.]

There'll be plenty of time for small talk later. I've read the bio your father provided. Your favorite color and the foods you like to eat. [It was nice information to have and he was sure Noiz read over what Steve's ma had sent, but -] It's not what's important.

That doesn't tell either of us if we're compatible. Do you want children?

[Right to the crux of it. He can practically hear his ma sighing from where she is with Noiz's father.]

If an alpha tells you to do something, how do you respond?

[ Noiz waits for Steven to seat himself and settles into his own chair with a half-second delay. Even though he's well aware of the alpha's gaze on him, he keeps his head down. He's being tested. By Steven, by his father, by the alpha's mother too. And this is a test he can't fail.

All he can see with his head down are the alpha's hands and his fingers splayed across the tabletop. The alpha's voice and the minute twitches of his hands spell dissatisfaction already, and Noiz doesn't want that. He should want what the alpha wants.

To get to know one another. ]

I want children.

[ What more could an omega want? Being bred and carrying healthy children. He can't resist looking up slightly for a reaction. Out of the corner of his eye he can see his father standing next to Steven's mother, hands loose at his sides, confidence and strength bolstering his bearing.

His stomach clenches. ]

...if you asked me to do something, I'd do it. For you.

[He is dissatisfied, though not specifically with Noiz. They don't know each other yet and the omega might be the best person Steve has ever had the fortune to meet. He could be any number of things but Steve is unhappy with his circumstances. His designation means that he has to mate with an omega, has to breed, has to bond, and it doesn't matter if they love each other - that's not even a blip on his ma's radar.

Steve snorts, sitting back in his chair, arms folded over his chest.]

What if it were unreasonable? Would you still do it. All because I'm an alpha and you're an omega. Because I told you to. [A short pause.] Do you want children because you want them or because you're supposed to want them?

[He's testing Noiz as much as their parents might be and it takes him all of thirty seconds before Steve realizes that maybe this isn't the best way to do it. He looks over at his mother and Noiz's father.]

Can we have some privacy?

[Now, Steve doesn't like to throw around that tone of voice an alpha can get but he lets it leech into his voice just then. It's not a question. It's a command. His ma's eyes narrow but she nods before leaning over to say something to Noiz's father. Steve can't make it out.]

[ Steve isn't talking very loudly, but even so the way he snaps, the very timbre of his voice is alpha, and Noiz feels his heart beat more quickly in his chest. Whether it's from excitement, arousal, or fear, Noiz inhales shallowly in an attempt to steady himself—and instead fills his mind with alpha scent instead. ]

I'd do it. And I want... I want children.

[ These are questions he doesn't know how to answer. He can do what Steve wants, whatever Steve wants, but he doesn't know what to tell Steve about what he desires.

While Steve is looking past him to their parents, Noiz takes the moment to try and gather himself. He's aware of them whispering to each other. The next thing he hears is them walking closer, and his father's voice. ]

We'll go inside. There's no rush for you two. The weather's beautiful.

[ He pats Noiz on the back and lets himself and Steve's mother in through the front door. Despite those casual words, Noiz is certain that they'd chosen to go inside the house knowing that Steve and Noiz would have to follow at some point. And if Steve still doesn't want him by then— ]

I do want children. And I want to make you happy.

[Steve remains silent until their parent's are gone, eyes flitting to Noiz's father as he pats him on the back. He's curious, suddenly, about the kind of relationship they have and whether it's one where Noiz is allowed to be who he wants to be. Probably not, given his status and the traditional ways everything has been arranged so far.]

Yes and I want children, too. But not because it's expected of me. I want to be a father. [Not this way precisely and his tone implies his dissatisfaction in that.] Tell me the truth, please. Don't lie to me. Your honesty won't change what happens between us but it will change how it happens.

[If they could come to a truthful understanding, Steve's convinced they can make this work for the both of them.]

The only way you can make me happy is to be yourself. If I do something you don't like, you tell me.

[He licks his lips and leans in, voice low. Commanding, but soft.]

I caught your scent earlier. There's no denying that.. [His face flushes but he pushes through.] I want you. But it doesn't have to go down the way our parents want it to.

We can make an arrangement for ourselves.

[He waves his hand between them and then leans back again, folding his arms over his chest.]

We hold all the power and they think we don't know that.

[ Noiz keeps his hands in his lap and keeps his eyes down, too, not wanting to look up and see his father's constant disappointment or whatever feelings Steve has for him right now. They certainly don't seem positive right now.

It hurts. Noiz digs his fingers into his palm, willing himself to not be upset. That'd be unseemly.

As Steve leans over the table the sudden proximity of his scent makes him twitch slightly. With what Steve is saying, the annoyance wells up thicker than before in his throat. He can't hold it back. If Steve wants him, then... ]

Then why don't you just take me? [ Take him inside, upstairs—or even out here. An alpha will take what they want, wherever they want. To be given this choice and be told that they have power, as a pair, including him, causes Noiz to rock back in his seat and then forward, looking up at Steve with a mixture of emotions that he can't even parse for himself. ]

You don't have to lie. You can tell them to call it off and I'll just—go. And you'll never see me again.

[ Letting an omega choose doesn't make any kind of sense. Few as they are, there are even fewer alphas. Any alpha could have their pick. That's why Noiz's father wants him to be paired off so badly, and why it's only in his absence that Noiz chooses to talk back at all. Even if he somewhat regrets it as soon as the words leave his mouth. ]

[Tension sparks in his chest and tightens his shoulders, his expression turning even more sour and displeased. There were times when his nature controlled his emotions and actions. The closer he was to a heat, the harder it was to deny that aspect of himself control, but he did try. Steve prided himself on his ability to separate how he viewed others from base urges and stereotypes. However, Wilhelm seemed to be determined to slide right into the role that genetics gave him.

Worse, he was expecting Steve to do so as well.]

That's not the kind of man I am. If you think that, we're not going to work. [If they were together, in a relationship or mated, and had agreed that impromptu sexual encounters were alright, it'd be different. Steve would just take him. Outside, on the grass by the lake, wherever and whenever they wanted. But they weren't and he wasn't going to let his designation make choices for him.] I'm not lying.

My dad used to tell me I was off, not a normal alpha.

[His ma had argued that it was better for everyone that Steve was late to present. That it gave him time to develop his own thoughts and opinions before they were swayed by hormones - though he's sure she regrets that statement now that he's older and disagrees with her and tradition every step of the way.]

I don't want to live my life by someone else's rules. If we're compatible and you get pregnant, we'll then bond. That's forever. [Another sigh, only this time it's aimed at himself. He needs to be honest with the other man.] If we marry then I would give you everything that I am. My best self and all my flaws. I intend to be a good husband and a good father. I want it to be with someone who will be my partner and equal, not a bystander in our marriage.

[A short pause as his eyes flick up.]

I don't know that we'll love one another and I can't guarantee that, but I'll always be good to you.

[ But why does Steve look angry with him? Noiz is telling him that he'll do anything he wants. Why isn't that what he wants to hear? Noiz's father has told him since he was very young that obedience is what alphas want and what they deserve. He'd probably agree with Steve's father, whoever he is.

But Steve is pushing back so hard that Noiz, for the first time in a long time, is able to question what he's been taught. ]

...your equal?

[ He presses his lips together, frowning. From what he can tell, he thinks Steve is being honest with him. And he has no reason to lie now since their parents have gone inside. ]

That's not what my father wants.

[ But what does he want for himself? Noiz folds his arms across his chest, tempted to hunch down before he remembers all those lessons about posture and poise. He continues slowly. ]

I just want this to work.

[Steve nods. It's the only way he knows that he can do this with Noiz. The way they're being forced together is unconventional but he wants to make the best of it. He just knows himself and that self-awareness tells him that Noiz can't be any less than his equal. He'll be overwhelmed with guilt any time that they have sex and he knots the omega or any time his alpha tendencies slip out.]

I don't care about what your father wants.

[He doesn't like the way Noiz's scent changes, distressed and it's his fault. Steve takes a deep breath.]

What if I said that was the only way this could work. If you and I come to an arrangement where we treat each other the right way.

[Not the way tradition demands or their parents suggest. Fairly. With respect. Even if they never fall in love they can learn to love each other. They can develop a mutual understanding and care.]

Is that something you'd agree to?

[There's another short pause.]

We could state our terms now and then tell our parents we've decided to test our compatibility.

[ Noiz watches Steve, becoming more overwhelmed and more obviously so. He can't imagine not caring about what his parents want. Or—perhaps he can. Maybe he's never cared himself, all this time.

It's a thought he can't let sit in his mind for too long. He wets his lips and speaks again. ]

I would. If you think that's the right way.

[ Because he wants this to work so badly, for Theo's sake. ]

So you want me to tell you want I want. [ Noiz has to actually linger on the possibilities for a while. He's simply never really considered it. Alphas are expected to treat their mates well, but in the end their word is always law, especially when it comes to private home matters. ]

I want to have kids. [ And, well, if they don't have any, then they'll never bond and it'll all be useless for Theo. ]

And you—you want me to say what I think?

[Steve leans back in his seat to think it all over. He doesn't like all the answers he gets but it's pretty obvious that Noiz needs time to truly come to terms with what Steve is offering. If he's been raised as an alpha-fearing omega, he might not know what he wants and if they're going to be married, Steve will help him figure it out over time. He didn't want a submissive shell of a man as a husband.]

I want you to make decisions for yourself. If we're doing something as a couple, we choose together, but that means you thinking about what would make you happy.

[He wants to understand Noiz's motivations for agreeing to the marriage. Steve is reluctant to go into the union without knowing ahead of time why Noiz thinks and feels the way he does, but they don't have the luxury of getting to know each other first. Not at a level that would matter.]

We both want children. [Which would make everyone happy, even if for different reasons.] I want you to say what you think and communicate with me.

[It had to be enough. Steve reaches up to run the back of his hand across his forehead, drawing it away with a frown. He's warm. Warmer than the cool weather allows for.]

Those are my terms. Do you accept?

[Steve breathes in deeply and the wind carries Noiz's scent to him, cinnamon and something sweet. His whole body shudders and his mouth falls open. Squeezing his eyes shut to gain control of himself he scoots his seat back and away to get some room.]

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