drear | give me a miracle, i just want out from this

Mmm. Sort of. It's more...we stop existing, sort of...disappear?

[ there's a slightly distant look to mon's eyes as he peers down at his hands, splaying the fingers of one as if he's expecting not to see his hand there at all. the smile he has now is not exactly happy, just thoughtful. ]

Very important. At least, to me.

[ not elaborating further, mon's eyes refocus at that other question, a slight frown to his mouth, biting his lower lip. he sighs. ]

It's possible, I guess, but I think they would've warned me.

[ but that's assuming Lucifer or God or any of the archangels knew. if they don't, then there's no way they could've warned him and mon's predicament is more or less unheard of. his hand in noiz's hair stills and he gently retracts it, too gentle always. ]

But even if I knew I could die like a person, well, I'd still do my job. No one else can, you know?

[ and it's his fault the 3rd mankind are cropping up, honestly, so he feels both guilty and responsible. ]

[ when he'd been very young, disappearing was a euphemism adults would use. "they're not around anymore." "they've gone somewhere else." but noiz had learned very early on, after another attempt at pet ownership gone awry, what death was.

if mon disappears, he'll be dead to everyone. noiz sits up again when mon's hand leaves his hair, his own expression smoothed back into its usual place. ]

Do you get something out of it? You're trying to take care of those things just because nobody else can. [ though noiz says "those things", it's in the exact same way he'd say "those people". clearly the third mankind are sentient in some what. probably better than some humans out there. ]

You don't have to.

I do get something out of it, sometimes. Whenever one of them is willing to talk with me, when I can help them feel less afraid...that's something. It's enough.

[ the way mon says 'enough' is the same way most people say 'plenty'. his smile is a little less sad as he says that. then it smooths away for something more neutral, an unconscious rest. ]

It's not like I did it for the pay even when I was at Roman. I just want to help.

[ help lonely sad things be a little less lonely a little less sad, if he can. sometimes he can't. he's just monday, not a miracle worker, not god, not anyone special. but he does have his values and his certain things that he will stick to, wherever he is.

he tilts his head at noiz. ]

I could ask you the same question though. I mean, do you 'get something' out of coming to see me? Feeding me? N-not that I'm not grateful! I like it.

[ he flushes transparently as always. ]

But you don't 'have' to. And you still do. That's more what I mean.

[ noiz should've expected this. mon would be someone who does it all for the sake of helping people... and non-people. out of the goodness of his heart.

noiz isn't so selfless. ]

I get you.

[ helping mon insures that they stay in contact, and that mon keeps helping him in turn. but "help", noiz will admit, has become more and more nebulous of a term. nowadays just being near mon makes him do even more impulsive things.

with his mind on it, noiz is able to short-circuit all of those impulses for once. he lurches back to his feet. after checking the towel mon had been holding to his neck, noiz is relatively certain that there's no more active bleeding. he turns aside to wash his own hands and take a break from looking at mon's face. ]

You can take a shower now.

Oh...yeah...um okay.

[ once noiz finishes washing his hands, mon does in fact take a quick shower. well. it's not 'quick'. it takes him a while in fact, due to the rather argumentative nature of his body. it doesn't want to have to do anything else today even if the hot water should make it feel better. by the time mon is out, he wouldn't be surprised if noiz needed to go. but part of him thinks noiz will still be there; he can't even entirely articulate why.

towel around his waist, mon hadn't thought to grab clothes beforehand, so he exits the bathroom with the kind of quiet furtiveness usually reserved for people up to no good. as is often the case with mon when he's not reacting to this or that, his movement is quiet too. with his clothing off, the darkening bruise that blisters on the upper right side of his back is clear. strangely, it almost clusters in density across the shoulder blade how one might imagine a wing might protrude.

mon hadn't been entirely honest earlier with noiz. he has noticed his injuries heal slower down here now. but it's not like anything can be done about it. so why bring it up? he sighs, hand absently still on the doorknob to the bathroom he's paused at the threshold of. ]

[ mon's instinct is right. noiz stays. he wouldn't know how to explain it either, but there's the fact that mon's apartment is different from his, and in that alone interesting. noiz digs around a little but finds nothing interesting. there still isn't anything in his fridge or under his bed.

after that moderate disappointment noiz makes himself comfortable on the bed. he sits against the headboard and pulls up some of his freelance work. his concentration is only broken when he hears the shower stop but sees no mon.

he gets to his feet and approaches the bathroom. it's silent inside. mon's injuries hadn't been that severe, but a head wound can make a human do funny things. noiz opens the door himself to check and see what it might do to a demon. ]

Oh, you're not dead. [ with that settled, noiz turns and heads back towards mon's bed where he'd left his work. mon never complains when he invades his privacy—it's almost weird—and that, in turn, makes noiz more comfortable continuing to make himself at home. ]

You should put something on your back.

[ he'd seen it in the bathroom mirror. ]

!!!

[ mon startles when noiz opens the door, then blinks in spite of himself, dumbstruck before continuing out to grab some clothes. he's in the middle of tugging a shirt on when noiz suggests that and he pauses, only his arms through the sleeves so far, head tilting. ]

It's just bruising, so it will go away over time.

[ grabbing a pair of pajamas he briefly goes back to the bathroom to change into those, leaving the towel hanging as he returns and sits on the bed with noiz, legs folded up under him, shirt properly on, a few droplets of water stubbornly having clung to his hair trickling down the side of his face. ]

[ huh. noiz leaves his work, watching the slope of mon's shoulders as he returns to the bathroom and getting a clearer look at the shape of the bruise. when they're both on the bed he turns towards him, questions once again clarifying into words.

he leaves his coil aside for now. work can wait. ]

It looks like it hurts.

[ noiz adds, as he leans forward to get a better look— ]

It's right on your shoulder.

[ he cranes his neck to twist as if he can see - he can't - and then gives it up, just shrugging. he's more interested in the way noiz has - of late - been able to just make himself at home here. it's nice even though mon is also wary of directly mentioning it, unsure if noiz would mind the observation. for mon, he knows he's selfishly soaking up the regular interaction. and it's odd sometimes, because he wasn't especially social at Roman even though he was always kind. he just wanted to get along with everyone with the least trouble possible.

it's really only sunday and mananan that he was close to in the end. ]

It does but...it's a bruise so I can only wait for it to heal...right?

[ even with all his work injuries, mon had often avoided sunday if only to avoid the lecture, and his medical intelligence as a result is not high if any. he sometimes goes to look for bandages still rather than bandaids and laughs at himself.

when he turns slightly so he can better face noiz, the injured shoulder is still visible, the half-angle the kind a person uses to look at another person without staring dead-on. not, he supposes, that noiz is the kind of person who would mind that. ]

There's stuff you can put on it that makes it hurt less. [ he thinks. noiz has never used icy hot for that purpose. only for inadvisable sex plays.

he doesn't mind mon looking at him in return for all his questions. noiz stays where he is on the bed and blinks at him. ]

Unless you like it hurting.

[ noiz himself shows up in front of mon bruised often, sometimes in places mon doesn't see. but that's out of necessity to feel, and in that sense he "likes" it. ]

[ it's not the first time noiz has said something like that and again it makes mon both confused and curious. his head cants to one side, considering. ]

I don't 'like' it but it's not that bad. I don't have anything like that, I think, anyway though. [ icy hot or tiger balm or otherwise, mon just hasn't thought about it despite his year of mishaps. he pauses, thoughtful. ]

To be honest, I worry more about whenever you show up hurt. [ whether or not noiz can feel it, it's still an injury, and mon has this natural habit of viewing humans as more delicate. it might seem laughable, considering his often-hurt state, but to mon these things fade and he has all the time in the world. humans have such short lives, and in that sense mon regards their bodies as more precious.

it's one of the reasons he tries so hard to make sure noiz never gets hurt because of him, at the very least. ]

[ bruises hurt less than other injuries, then. satisfied with this new bit of classification knowledge, noiz lets it go, like another stone he's picked up and gleaned all he could from. ]

And I told you you don't have to worry. [ he's not that delicate.

but it's obvious that mon cares, regardless of all noiz's protests and rough edges. they spend more time together than noiz does with anyone else. following that fact, he turns over a new thought for several seconds before voicing it. ]

Do you like me?

Well, yeah, but I can't help it. [ the soft laugh mon gives is somehow both warm and apologetic, as if he's sorry he can't do what noiz told him to do but also not that sorry. the laughter peters off to a natural stop that hangs between them as he stares at noiz. what kind of question is that? ]

Of course I like you.

[ he tugs his shirt on fully and as his head pops through the neck of it, he blinks at noiz. ]

Why are you asking me?

[ it doesn't occur to him offhand that noiz means other than a friend, though it probably should. ]

[ noiz brushes that off. mon can keep worrying, it doesn't really matter to him.

(well. if he's being honest, it does matter to him. it means that noiz feels cared for—cared about—which is a relatively new experience.)

he scoots across the bedsheets closer to mon. leaning forward, he comes close enough that he has to tilt his head down to meet his eyes. ]

Because I think I like you. [ there's room for waffling in his words, but not in his voice. he delivers it as flatly, as clearly as he says anything else. ]

But I haven't kissed you in a year. [ not since that time he'd tried; noiz is being better about other people's boundaries these days since aoba's had the patience to talk it into him. even so, he's utterly unflinching and unashamed as he continues. ]

So I'm not sure.

[ even if noiz outright says he doesn't care, mon treads on the potentially disrespectful ground of not quite believing him. in mon's experience, almost everyone cares at least a little that someone else is in their corner. it doesn't have to be the same degree of care. some people just need a little. others a lot. most? in between. and some it takes a while to realize or learn what they need or want.

speaking of 'want' however, he realizes he misread the conversation completely when noiz replies.

...

a year isn't a long time to a demon. a year might not even be 'long' to some humans, depending who you ask and the global climate at the time. but the comparative between a demon and human brooks no contest. and yet? mon with each passing of a month felt each day more fully. within the last couple of months, he found himself trying to remember how he 'felt' time before and was both unnerved and confused to find: he couldn't. and there was no one to ask.

there's no way for him to talk to those he used to see every day and that might have something to do with it. when he'd first found himself in this situation, he couldn't fathom allowing himself close to anyone beyond friendship. is he bad for feeling so lonely, he's wondered and had time enough to bow his head in recognition of heaven's boundaries after all. sometimes he still expects mananan to show up, laws and regulations hanging off of him like personal war trophies.

but rules are rules and even the best angel is not god, the best demon not lucifer. so on. so forth.

mon doesn't move back, though one hand at his side curls reflexively in the bedcovers. there's still a part of him that tells him not to. but there's also a part of him that wants to, so when noiz says he's not sure, mon finds the wherewithal to lift his free hand to the side of noiz's face - too gentle probably, definitely, but it might not matter because mon angles up at the same time, just enough. the kiss much like the way mon touches noiz is too careful...but it's also warm.

yes, mon likes him. and the thing about mon liking anyone is that it amounts to a quiet kind of love even if to some that would be overboard. what is love anyway but caring and wanting to make sure someone else knows that you do? well, it's a dozen other things, he knows. but some of it is just the caring; the being there in a way that suggests that's not going to change any time soon.

mon has made this sentiment before and he's been wrong once through no fault of anyone's, but that's not the choice he has in front of him. at the beginning he told noiz he'd do what he could, and he meant it. so he is. ]

[ it's been a year since they've touched like this, but to be honest, he's felt close all this time. their lips touching in and of itself does not make noiz feel, as the sensation is barely noticeable.

besides, all this time he's spent with mon hasn't been forgotten just because he's bringing up liking him now. he already knows how mon smells. he knows the sound he makes when he's thinking about something. from several blocks away noiz can tell that mon is there, based just on the small cowlicks of his hair.

he knows what mon looks like, but noiz does keep his eyes open when he tilts his face up to kiss him. this is a new enough angle that he wants to see.

up close noiz hears him breathe, and when he hears mon inhale again he opens his mouth and moves slightly so he can deepen the kiss. he nuzzles against his mouth and lets his tongue touch his lower lip.

he was right. noiz does like him. he doesn't quite sag, because noiz has been wrought harder than that, but he bends towards mon and fists his hands in the sheets. ]

[ if mon could read his mind, he'd be self conscious in the way one gets when one is also flattered but feels like maybe they shouldn't be - a recurring quality of mon's: but i shouldn't. which of course does not mean he doesn't do it anyway. off and on, monday has had enough years to idle time between his stories and his work and once upon a time his stories and his schooling, what the difference between angels and demons is beyond what they know, and also humans. he thinks if he uses those he knows as reference, he can find the 'human' in all of them.

but the reverse can't necessarily be true, or at least mon isn't sure. because with noiz he doesn't really find himself either searching for or finding the demon or angel in him. he's just noiz. it's strangely refreshing and that thought in and of itself feels along the lines of a sin but of course demons and angels can't sin; only humans can do that.

he feels noiz's tongue against his lower lip and mon is almost as good at his physical response as he is bad at asking for or admitting what he wants. he opens his mouth and the hand at the side of noiz's face slips back, his fingers pushing through noiz's hair, curling at the back of his head. his other hand still tangled in the bedding, flexes absently. mon has always been sensitive; he gets overwhelmed entirely too easily, and can be read just as effortlessly. red in his cheeks, the tips of his ears, anywhere a blush sees fit to bloom, even the tiniest of motions teems with warmth. it's just a kiss and mon is dizzy, the soft huff of air when the kiss finally breaks for a second is that fine line of something soft and something else more wanting.

some of it, he almost dares to recognize, as feeling sort of...happy.

later he'll probably feel guilty about it again, but these things take time and nothing will change if nothing happens at all. ]

[ the side of mon's hand brushes against the dermal piercings at the base of noiz's neck. it makes a shiver run down his spine, a small tingle of sensation at the base. kissing is the easiest way for him to feel anything at least when his tongue is involved. mon's as soft here as he is everywhere else, and noiz explores deeper in his mouth after a moment's lingering.

when their mouths part he pulls back enough to stare straight at him. he's sure now. ]

I like you.

[ he gives him another kiss, shorter and close-mouthed this time. there's satisfaction in the set of his shoulders. the blush on mon's face is cute, especially from seeing it up close, and he comes up to kiss his cheeks. he stops with his lips on one of mon's ears before biting on it lightly. ]

Your ears are hot.

[ the reiteration of how he feels only makes mon blush hotter. the way noiz kisses him again is chaste in a way that somehow has mon even more self-conscious than the deeper one, and the same can be said for the press of noiz's mouth to his cheeks, something inarguably sweet about the attention even if perhaps noiz doesn't mean it sweetly. it still feels nice, feels good to be liked and wanted.

shivering when noiz's lips brush his ear, mon's eyes close, the quickly bitten down sound in response something like a sigh and a gasp confused into one thing. ]

Ah...it's...just...

[ he's not sure what to say 'how I get', perhaps? but he's still present in mind enough to notice how embarrassed that makes him feel. instead, the hand at the back of noiz's neck tightens slightly, the pad of his thumb brushing the piercings almost absently - fond, and intimate in a way that's subconscious but true. ]

[ with his ears red and warm, and his cheeks the same way, mon looks a little sunburned. noiz uses his lips to pull on the shell of his ear. does he 'just' always respond this way? ]

You blush a lot. [ as his thumb touches the end of a piercing, noiz lets his eyes close and he slides down to rest his head on mon's small shoulder. ] So you like me too.

[ right? noiz assumes so, based on his past experiences, and though he doesn't think he's happy, there doesn't feel like there's too much weight on his chest. around mon noiz feels comfortable relaxing.

however, he's also taller and heavier, so his relaxing is causing his weight to land more and more on mon. at least there's a bed beneath them. ]

Y-yeah, I can't help it. [mon laughs a little, a light sort of sheepish sound noiz has probably come to associate with him at this point, absently continuing with petting the back of his neck when noiz leans down against him. ]

I do like you.

[ the confirmation is gentle and maybe mon is going to say something else but the more collapsing weight of noiz against him has mon falling backward. the hand not at noiz's neck grasps to his shoulder, and for a moment mon just blinks at the ceiling. ]

You've been really patient with me. Thank you.

[ he doesn't know if noiz will find such a thing preposterous but to mon it's worth saying. a year is a long time for a human being, especially to deal with all the nonsense that comes attached to monday. and monday even sometimes feels like the year has been long, again more so as the months passed and added up. he doesn't ever want to take kindness for granted.

his index finger draws close circles against the piercing in noiz's neck while his other hand sort of pets and ruffles his hair, affectionate. for some reason he always has this inclination to make noiz feel at ease; then again, that's maybe just mon. ]

[ noiz covers mon with his body for a moment before he remembers to roll his weight to the side. he, personally, doesn't mind having others on top of him. an entire person's body weight can actually register as pressure. but other people are different. even a demon is more similar to humans than he is. noiz remembers this, and has thought it before, with little bitterness. it's worn too much of a groove to surprise him anymore.

he sets himself to the side of mon in the bed, head still on his shoulder. ]

I wasn't being patient because I like you. [ "like" in the way that keeps noiz resting against him, breathing in his smell, seeing the beads of water from the shower running over his damp skin. ]

It... pisses me off when you get hurt. [ and that's enough to make noiz care. that sentiment is too foreign to him, much more so than getting annoyed, so he doesn't voice it yet. ]

Even when it's not because you're trying to shield me from whatever.

[ the slight pain from the pressure on his back alleviates, but the truth is mon is preoccupied with noiz enough he barely registered it anyway. he adjusts himself so he can peer at noiz, one of his own hands underneath his cheek, the other idle between their bodies. ]

I'm sorry... [ said idle hand lifts to move through noiz's hair before reconsidering and smoothing down to the back of his neck again, a back and forth of the pad of his thumb a soothing sort of intention. ]

But I'm not going to lie to you and say that will change.

[ there's a soft steadiness in monday's voice, calm and apologetic but also frank. his methods are long-learned and honed to his own beliefs. he's had enough time to figure it out and also enough time to know he prefers these methods even at his own cost. ]

I'm not going to let you or anyone else get hurt if I can help it. I like you. I like humankind and the things they create and sometimes when things go astray it's not their fault.

[ mon pauses, eyes downcast now, ]

Everyone should be given a chance. That's what I think.

[ another pause. ]

But I'm glad you care. It...means a lot to me.

[ with that, mon lifts his head a little and smiles. it's warm and it's vulnerable and it's honest. ]

[ with mon's small fingers pressing lightly against the piercings, a small trickle of sensation travels down noiz's back. his eyes fall even further shut and he looks at mon through his lashes, chewing on his words. ]

Yeah, don't lie. [ even if it hurts, he wants the truth.

and maybe the truth is that he cares. noiz moves his head forward enough for their noses to touch. ]

You're such a sap.

[ he lifts his head and closes his teeth on the tip of mon's nose, slightly annoyed at his own reaction and how he can't quite think of anything sharper to say. ]

Ahaha...yeah I am, yeah. [mon doesn't mind being thought of as a sap. he knows he is one, and rather thinks if he has the option between being a sap and not, he's fairly happy handling things as he does, as he has been for a long time. it wasn't without trial and error either, and plenty of people along the way asking if he shouldn't be harsher or less emotionally driven. but part of what makes mon good at his previous job and even the tasks he handles now, is that he's sensitive; so while it is very much a thing that comes with the clause 'for better or for worse', he doesn't mind.

the nip to his nose makes mon giggle. it's a companionable, trust-laden sound somehow, lighter maybe.]

But...I guess you don't mind.

[or he wouldn't be here. that much, monday surmised early on. noiz won't stay if he doesn't want to, period, and there's something reassuring about that fact. as someone who's a bit indecisive about other things in his life both before being earthbound and during, mon finds a sort of sharp calm in those who've got more conviction -- or appear to. it's silly maybe. noiz is so much younger than him it's laughable. but mon doesn't really feel that truth and he's not sure why. but noiz comes around again and again, brings him food, walks him home, sticks nearby. and mon is impossibly grateful and overwhelmed if he thinks too much about it.

when he leans in to press his mouth to noiz's, he closes his eyes, a soft sigh escaping him at once and stealing against or into noiz at the same time.]

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