give me a miracle, i just want out from this

[ruffrabbits]

[ Noiz hardly has friends. Mujina doesn't count, he's a coworker and teammate. Aoba is—Aoba. He has acquaintances, contacts, and not much more. Mon is an acquaintance he's familiar with.

Mon is nice to him. Noiz doesn't understand that either. From their first few encounters, Mon's been treating him like he's normal. He's never tried to get anything in return, no matter what Noiz demands or asks after. Even when Noiz presses and asks, squeezing him for an answer on why he tries to be nice when there's no point at all, Mon yields and yet still gives little away.

So it's odd for Mon to turn him away. When his messages go unanswered he moves on to showing up in person and knocking loudly. ]

What are you doing in there?

[ He moves close to the crack between the door and the frame to be better heard. Someone passing by in the hallway gives him a skeptical look. ]

Are you dead or something? Let me in.

Comments

[ruffrabbits]

[ the cashier nods and confirms—chai! ]

What size?

[ after ordering, they have a few minutes to wait, so noiz finds them a small table to put their things at. he turns his attention to the rabbit again then, half crouching next to mon so that he's at eye level with the rabbit. now that he's seen it overnight without any issues, he grows slightly more bold in reaching out to touch it with one finger. ]

...he looks soft.

[remind]

[ the way it warms mon to see noiz feel even just a little bit more comfortable enough to reach out like that, well, he knows anyone would find it embarrassing if he tried to say it out loud. but he's tempted. noiz is cute in ways mon is sure he isn't aware of, vulnerable endearing ways that make mon protective of him even though, in many ways since being earth-locked, it's been mon who needed help.

the rabbit doesn't shrink back, still seems fairly relaxed, which makes mon say, ]

Go ahead. Pet him. He is.

[ruffrabbits]

I can't tell. [ but noiz does as mon encourages him to, all the same, using only two fingers to stroke over the rabbit's short white fur. he stares hard. by looking closely, he can see how much his pelt is indented, and thus how hard he's pressing.

brow furrowed in concentration, noiz continues until the rabbit stirs. it's only a twitch of the nose and his eyes opening, but he jerks his hand back anyway. ]

I don't know. [ he looks up. ] Tell me what it feels like.

[remind]

[ noiz's inability to feel these things makes mon sad but he tries not to show it, not wanting to further burden noiz in regards to something that is out of his control. he wonders if there is a way to change that, and if there was, if noiz would like it, or if he would refuse. the matter of 'believing' is perhaps at least sort of a given (maybe), because once one has dealt with an actual demon trapped on earth (even if he acts more what people would associate with angels) the table is kind of open for 'yeah that could be real' on all topics. something as simple but gratifying as touching and petting a soft animal is the kind of unconditionally gentle thing that mon wants to give to noiz, but maybe it's not his place to ask, especially when he isn't sure he can deliver.

as if being trapped on earth warrants him some kind of heavenly or hell-borne boon.

well. maybe it wouldn't hurt to ask them first, and then ask noiz.

it's this he is thinking of as well as how gentle noiz is both in how he crouches and the timidity with which he draws his hand back. ah. mon nods and inclines his head, face obscured as he peers directly down at the rabbit where he pets gently across the back of its head and back, a touch well received as the rabbit stays calm and almost comfortable. ]

Well. Soft, but it's more what that feeling makes me feel. I feel...trusted, and sort of happy? There's something that makes me warm, I guess.

[ the softness of mon's voice is lilting almost a laugh at himself. ]

It gives me comfort.

[ because sure 'soft' is the give and plushness of fur or aught else, but it's also the resonant feeling one gets when it involves another living creature -- petting or touching this rabbit, situated quietly in his lap for example, is completely different than touching velvet though arguably both are 'soft'. again mon considers the idea of asking for a boon regarding noiz's inability to feel these more delicate things. again he wonders if it is even his place to be curious, even if it does stem from a place of caring. ]

[ruffrabbits]

[ the slow deliberation before mon replies is fine. surprisingly non-anxiety-inducing, really, though noiz would not admit to anything being anxiety inducing. it's simply that with mon he knows the long pause is not because of judgment.

and really, if anyone's going to be judged, it's mon, right? mon and his softness. his gentle ways, too tender for a world like this, even if he can technically protect himself.

noiz watches the fur ripple lightly as he breathes out on it. warm. he at least knows temperature. but happy—he sits with that idea with a slight frown. ]

Do you feel that way with flowers? [ eventually his position becomes somewhat untenable, and noiz shifts to rest his chin on mon's knee right next to the rabbit. ] Those don't even know you're there.

[remind]

[ because it's mon, he considers the question carefully and fully, takes it into his heart and folds his hands around the concept with tenderness. he feels like it might be too silly sounding to tell noiz he actually does think flowers sort of know you're there, when as far as he knows, human beings have long since discerned the non-sentience of flora and fauna. but this goes beyond science. mon is a demon after all. he feels a connection to the nightmares he used to guard and rehabilitate into things that could be understood, so why not flowers? the hum he makes is resonant, soft, and gentle. even if mon could be otherwise, he thinks he knows at this point in his many-yeared life, he would still choose to be gentle.

sometimes it hurts.

even now, used to this place and this existence, he misses people.

he misses his other life.

but noiz makes it better. noiz and now the rabbit too perhaps. and the questions about the feelings of flowers. to mon, these are blessings and how funny; how strange and unbelievable. a demon to be blessed. it startles a giggle out of mon that noiz might find wholly out of place, or worse mistake for mon laughing at him (except noiz knows him better by now hopefully, well, he'll explain it anyway either way if asked.) he sighs. ]

Flowers also make me feel...happy. I do think there's a kind of ... awareness. It's not the same as when I am happy to see you, or when y--

...

[ ah. here he trails off, awkward. he shouldn't assume noiz is 'happy' to see him. it's a big word that gets thrown around quite a lot; yet mon is a being who does not believe the more you say something the less it means. he would tell noiz he makes him happy every day if he'd like to hear it; because mon would always mean it. yet the reverse....is it true? well he's never thought of it so bluntly, so he fumbles, blushing because he's transparent that way. the rabbit sleeps, and mon's gaze stays fixed on its soft ears. ]

[ruffrabbits]

[ noiz is aware, in a vague way, that there are people glancing at them. he keeps his cheek on mon's knee with no consideration for it. he's comfortable. even when mon laughs a little, it's a nice sound to him.

even though he doesn't think the same thing about flowers, he thinks that. he cocks an eyebrow at mon while looking up at him, fingers curling lightly into the fabric of his pants. ]

When I what? [ he purposefully digs his chin into his thigh. ] When I suck your dick?

[ that's probably not what mon was about to say, because, odd as it seems to him, mon does nice things with him and for him just because he wants to. noiz's eyes slide to the side before he amends, somewhat grudgingly. ]

I like seeing you. [ he likes him, in general. noiz moves up to drop another kiss on his cheek, face slightly pinched and pink. he just heard their order called at the counter! ] Let's go back.