drear | tell me who you are, i can be the gentle boy

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tell me who you are, i can be the gentle boy

The staff party starts at midnight and I don't have to work during it! Make sure you come in costume!

[ He Ming sends the text, a reminder, and runs off to work that evening. It's not exactly Halloween—the bar will inevitably be far too busy on the night of—but an earlier day when they're allowed to bring plus ones. Rune's costume, which mostly employs his already ironed black dress clothes and is only vampiric by dint of a borrowed cape and some fake fangs and blood, is left laid out on his bed for him to pick up. With Rune already having a key, he can let himself in.

His own outfit gets picked out of a hat at the bar. He Ming laughs at his luck with the others and gets dressed in the bathroom before starting service.

The "French maid" costume is cheap, but it fits him, and the thigh garter that's as frilly as the rest of it is kind of cute. He ties the bar apron over the top and takes a picture for Rune, posing cheesily in the mirror. ]

Look, I got my costume assigned! What do you think?

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[ The damp fabric of the costume feels cold. He Ming ignores it in favor of hugging Rune again, inhaling deeply before letting it all out as his weight presses down. It's harder to breathe like this, but the pressure is oddly pleasant, so much so that He Ming lets his eyes almost shut. ]

Even closer. [ He lifts his chin, hoping that Rune's mouth will come lower to his throat. ] I want you really, really, close, because I love you.

[ And he loves having him near, to know that he's safe and his heart still beats. He Ming inhales and exhales again, idly circling a hand on his back. The other slides lower. The touch to his ear makes him laugh a little, the brush of his hair ticklish, and he can't resist pressing his fingers in to the softer flesh just under Rune's ass for a squeeze. ]

And I like you. That too.

[ At first, Rune doesn't know what to say.

Like he'd told He Ming before, he's never had anyone to come back to, someone he'd wanted to come back to, and this— it's almost the same as that. Rune hasn't felt a connection or any sort of affection to anyone else in his life aside from Ciro, and even that is different than what he experiences with He Ming. He would tear the world apart for him—if he asked. He'd do anything and everything he could, and Rune wonders if that's what love must be like. Can he say that for sure when the future is so uncertain? ]

I know. I like you too. [ That much, he knows, is real. If he didn't, he would have never seen or spoken to him again. Still... Rune rests all of his weight against him, sighing at the touch before urging He Ming to look at him. ] But I've never loved anyone before. I'm not sure I really know how to do it, but I think I want to love you. Maybe I already do.

[ It's still not enough, so he continues. Softly, ] What I'm certain of, more than anything else, is that I never want to be without you.

[ And if that isn't love, then perhaps he really isn't capable of something like that and never will be. ]

[ Every time He Ming has said I love you before, he's meant it. All of his emotions are real. They might come more obviously to him or be easier for him to say aloud, but he's sure that he's never lied about loving someone. If it's harder for Rune, he's sure he's fine with that too. ]

That's okay. [ He turns his face towards him, grinning when he almost has to go cross-eyed because their faces are so close together. ] Whatever you're doing now makes me happy. As long as you're with me, I think—I think that's really all I want.

Besides, everyone has to work on love. [ Drawing the word out teasingly, he purses his lips and lifts his head to peck him on the mouth. Even that small effort makes him feel extra worn out, and he collapses back with his arms thrown wide. ] I don't think it's destiny.

[ He says that, even though he's glimpsed the universe, because they're nothing but specks of dust in it too small to have personal gravity. But just looking up at his face is enough to justify patience. He can make the effort to stick close. ]

Not for us, anyway. You're too magical for destiny.

[ His smile comforts him, but there's something about He Ming's words that has Rune leaning back to look at him. They're still pressed close, and yet, the distance seems to be trying to worm its way between them. Because it's not that he doubts him. There are very few people in this world that he would outright trust, and yet, despite being someone who doesn't believe in destiny at all, all of it carves awake an unknown thing inside him. ]

Magic has nothing to do with destiny. [ The words are still soft—an attempt to cut the bite out of them. ] I do what I want because it's what I want. Being with you is my choice, so you're right. What we feel isn't destiny.

But it doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind about you either.

[ Then, gently, he kisses the corner of He Ming's mouth before moving off of him and making his way into the bathroom. It still feels early to him despite the actual hour, but more than that, he wants to drag He Ming to bed. So, he makes clean-up efficient and returns to He Ming to do the same for him, helping him out of the dress and dropping it on the floor. Rune rubs his hands through He Ming's hair. ]

Should I get you some clothes? [ Or does he want to sleep naked? ]

[ While Rune speaks, He Ming pays attention, even if he's beginning to blink drowsily. If he says that magic is unrelated to fate, it must be. He Ming just doesn't understand it. He doesn't even understand his own "magic". Making a sound of acknowledgment, he raises his arms once more to hang onto Rune's shoulders until he moves completely out of his grasp. ]

Good. [ Simple as that. He Ming stays where he is while Rune goes to clean up. He Ming traces the lines of Rune's body with his eyes as he moves, humming softly to himself in the comfortable warmth left behind. After Rune returns, he tries to be helpful by moving his limbs just enough to let the dress be removed. ] Get me a wet towel? Then we can get some sleep.

[ He wants Rune with him for that, of course. ]

Then let's find some time to go to that place you talked about. Away from here.

[ Again, Rune finds him cute. Beautiful too, brushing at his hair again before leaving to fulfill his request. He doesn't wet the towel entirely through, just so he can use the other side to dry his skin, and once that's out of the way, Rune drags the blankets back so they can crawl under them and get comfortable. He curls an arm around He Ming, pulling him close.

As an afterthought, he focuses enough to remove the glamour on his teeth and then settles into the pillows. ]

I can go any time. Are you working this week?

[ If he's being honest, he would go tomorrow if possible. But Rune knows these things aren't quite the same for He Ming, so he's making an effort to be flexible with him. And as long as no one tries to come after them, then they won't have to worry about when. It's still a distant thought though, smoothing his hand down his side and gently squeezing at his hip almost possessively. ]

[ He hadn't said anything about needing to dry off after, but Rune takes such good care of him. He Ming snuggles closer to him as soon as he returns, shamelessly pulling Rune's hand lower so it can rest on his ass. ]

Yeah. I can be off after Thursday. [ Since he'd agreed to work Halloween weekend, he'll get some leeway. Remembering his job, though, He Ming wrinkles his nose. ] Mm, they're definitely going to tease me for leaving like that.

[ Not that it's anything they haven't seen before, but He Ming feels his face heat up before he presses his cheek to Rune's shoulder. ]

But after that, I'm free. Where is it? What's it like? Do I have to pack a cooler so we have food there, or are you going to make me forage in the woods for mushrooms?

If they say something mean, I'll take care of it.

[ Which he doubts is the case since He Ming's co-workers don't see the type, but Rune wants to support him regardless of that. He gives him a squeeze and rolls his head so that part of his face is resting against He Ming's hair. This is a familiarity he likes, and it's nice that they're so comfortable in it, wondering how much longer it's going to be like this until the next time it isn't. That would depend on Rune, but he turns his focus to He Ming.

The rest of what he says though — Rune sighs. ]

You can forage for mushrooms if you want, but it's not necessary. [ A light tease before he relaxes against him. ] I want to show you where my family lived. It's a private place.

[ For him, at least. It's full of memories—some good but mostly bad. His parents had died there. His coven had died there. Parts of Rune, too, had died there, but he would like to share that with He Ming and hopes he understands the gravity of why. He might not be able to specifically say he loves him, but he can show it. Rune draws him closer. ]

Would you like me to take you there?

[ He's definitely not going to look for food in the woods if he doesn't have to. The more time they can spend like this, the better.

But He Ming opens his eyes again—just realizing that they've closed—when Rune mentions his family. That must include his coven. That means they must have been there before they died. The realization is unsettling, because from where his head is, all he can really see is Rune's chest rising and falling. He slowly moves his hand to rest on it. ]

Of course. [ Even if Rune doesn't feel comfortable saying certain things out loud, opening any part of his life to He Ming seems a step towards it, or at least the feeling he's pretty sure that they share. ] If you're okay with it, I want to see where you're from.

[ He'll take his offer gladly. He also kisses the side of his neck, and though he's tempted to nip him back for the bites earlier he settles back down without doing so in favor of peaceful sleep.

On the day of their departure, He Ming is packed (perhaps over-packed, unfamiliar as he is with places that don't have a 7-11 within a mile radius) and excited to go, but he settles a little when he sees Rune. Still, he's curious and obviously so when he asks— ]

Do you go back there often?

[ Everything is surprisingly normal through the days that follow, and even as Rune carefully organizes what he'll need for this trip, his finds his mind wandering. Why has it been so quiet? He knows the coven that had attacked them, who had hurt He Ming, isn't going to simply leave it alone, but... It's something to think about another time.

Right now, the goal is to put things into the car and drive as far as they can before he has to use his magic. ]

No. [ He sighs to himself, thinking about it. ] I haven't been there in a long time. But it's something I want to share with you.

[ Which is probably a lot considering, but it's much easier for Rune to show his affection than speak how he feels. So, that's what he's doing. Even if the memories of that place are bound to make him uncomfortable, it's what he wants. It's what he'd like He Ming to see firsthand—a place no one else knows about except Rune. ]

Do you want to drive? I'll tell you which way to go. [ Though it doesn't matter to him, either way. ]

[ Then this is a special occasion for Rune, too. Even if it may not be a wholly happy kind of special. ]

I can drive! [ He'll take one more load off of Rune's mind if he can. He doesn't know exactly what he's anticipating other than time with him in a new setting. As they pack their things into the car, He Ming lets himself embrace excitement. The last week has been largely uneventful and he wants to just enjoy this trip. Don't they deserve it?

The anticipation only mounts when they hit the road. He Ming bounces his leg occasionally as he drives, flicking on the music to cover some of the pause before he asks the question he's had in mind. ]

Do you want to tell me about your parents?

[ He Ming wants to hear the answer, very much so, just to see what lives under the layers. There are parts of Rune that he exposes very readily, but they've skipped a lot of the getting-to-know-you in favor of fighting witches to the death for survival. He Ming offers, in return, though he doubts it's an equivalent exchange. ]

You could... meet mine if you wanted. But you definitely don't have to do either. Tell me about yours, or meet mine.

[ Rune wouldn't have minded either way, but it's nice that He Ming takes the initiative—if only because it allows him time to focus on something else besides driving. He does give him directions every so often, though it's mostly a straight shot for several hours.

The question he asks though... It causes Rune to pause. His feelings for his parents are incredibly complicated, and what he does remember of them is twisted up in his anger and grief. For a second, he finds himself reaching up to touch the ear that had been tagged, but he drops his hand back into his lap before it can go any further than that. He knows He Ming is earnest, and like before, Rune wants to give parts of himself to him that he's never showed or offered anyone. It's why they're taking this trip. It's why he'd even mentioned it at all. ]

I only remember certain things about them, [ he admits, almost too quietly. ] My father preferred physical magic – like what you've seen. Like what I do. My mother... I think her obsession with divination grew too much for her. Have you heard of runestones? It was her preferred medium.

[ Would He Ming pick up on the meaning behind his name then? It hadn't been the name he'd been born with, but it's the one he's gone by for so long it might as well have been. His expression thins as he considers the rest of it. ]

Would your parents want to meet me? [ Because most people don't actually like him, and he's fine with that. ]

[ He Ming's parents are only a plane ride away, and if he wanted to, he could go and see them within a day. Even if they aren't that close, he has that choice. Maybe all Rune has is his name. ]

Did she name you after them? [ Because He Ming certainly doesn't know anyone else called Rune, but he still doesn't know much about witches. All he knows about Rune is like a small window into a room that he occasionally hears voices whispering from. Magic is strange, and only such a part of his life because of Rune. ] Do you remember things other than their magic?

[ He can't resist reaching over and nudging Rune when he sees that expression out of the corner of his eye. So serious. ]

Of course they would. I haven't seriously dated anyone in a while, so they'd be excited to meet my boyfriend. And you can be charming if you want to.

[ Rune thinks about those questions, both of them, and slowly shakes his head. ]

I gave it to myself so I'd remember not to let certain kinds of magic rule me. [ And the rest? He barely recalls their faces, but given that it's been over a century, it's probably better that way. ] It's all I have now.

[ But it's not exactly a complaint, just the truth.

When He Ming nudges him, Rune glances towards him and takes a moment just to look at him, considering those words before telling him to pull over. Once he does, he takes him by the hand and draws him close even as he leans into his side of the car. He lets his other hand comb through his hair, brushing it away from his face. ]

If it's what you want, I'll meet them. [ Since they're doing this together, it'd only be fair. ]

[ Ah. He Ming can't picture himself calling Rune anything else. That means he had another name, then, probably before his parents died. He shoots him another slightly furtive look, an attempt to guess his feelings without asking them yet. ]

I do want you to meet them. Maybe in a few more months. [ He's assuming that things will last that long. He's also assuming that this relative peace, in the car, stopped on the side of the road with almost empty fields to either side of them, will remain unbroken. Tilting his head gently into his hand, He Ming meets his eyes. There aren't any visions of the future to confirm his assumptions. He just believes it, looking at nothing and no one but Rune. ]

And I'm pretty sure nothing rules you. You're like a cat, you don't obey anyone. [ Not even He Ming. He'd asked Rune to keep him updated on his location and not disappear on his hunt those weeks ago, and he hadn't. But he's accepted that Rune does listen when He Ming needs him to. Besides, he'll probably make a better impression on his parents than some other people he's dated.

He leans forward, ignoring how the seatbelt cuts into his shoulder, to kiss him lightly. ]

Are you sure this is what you want? It can't be easy going back to where you used to live.

[ A few months, in the scheme of things, isn't a long time. It might feel like it given the delicate state of their relationship, but Rune wants to believe that his future is with He Ming. He's done so much for him already, has caused a considerable amount of upturn in his life; if he hasn't decided to leave him because of that, then he isn't sure much will. Still, Rune considers it all thoughtfully, his lips curving just slightly at the mention of being a cat. ]

That isn't how magic works. [ Which immediately stems another idea, and he sits up straighter, pressing closer so he can murmur it against his mouth. ] I could teach you – while we're there. I could show you how.

[ Rune doesn't know if he actually could given the exact nature of magic. He Ming isn't a witch, and though he does have those voices he occasionally mentions, he isn't certain it's the same. But it would bring them closer together in a way Rune's never considered before—even if He Ming doesn't pick up on it or can't use it the same way. There are other things he could show him too, and that, he thinks, might equip him better if more witches tried to target him.

He kisses him again, reassuring him. ]

If you don't want to learn, I still want to go. This is something I want to share with you.

Oh? [ He shifts further forward, tugging the seatbelt away from his neck so he can better kiss him back. ] Yeah, I'd like to.

[ Gaining a better understanding of magic seems like it'll take a lot of study, which he hasn't done in... a while. Hopefully he won't be distracted by Rune teaching him. ]

I'll keep driving. Just give me the directions! [ And once they're there, He Ming will see where he grew up. He wonders if his childhood home will still be there. He wonders if Rune would even remember which house was his. ]

Um... while I'm driving, can I ask how old you actually are? Because you sort of mentioned it, and I figured you were either really ancient or, I dunno, forty.

[ Rune wouldn't allow any distractions. Or, at least, all the time. He's very serious when it comes to magic, and if it's something they could possibly share together, it will give him even more focus. But having conversations like this are enough to divert his attention elsewhere for a time. ]

I'm much older than that. [ Though not quite as old as ancient? Whatever number that's supposed to be. ] If I remember – I'm a little over two-hundred. There's really no need to keep track of those things like humans do. I don't think I have since I was young.

[ When he was around He Ming's age, he means. It's strange to find himself talking about it, thus thinking about it, but it's just the natural progression of someone with a long lifespan. Most witches don't look terribly old regardless unless something went wrong with their magic or they've been cursed, so it's almost always difficult to pinpoint their age. Ciro is older than him, but Rune's discipline makes him seem older. It's all rather different when mortality isn't a factor.

Which has him thinking about He Ming and his limited time here. It cuts deeper than he's expecting, and it's something he wants to change. Somehow. Some day. ]

Does it bother you? [ Because he can never be sure. ]

[ Two-hundred is a little bit ancient. More ancient than not. He Ming says, without much thought, ] Then you look good for your age, [ and starts the car again. ]

It doesn't. I mean, it's kind of funny, but I don't mind.

[ Trying to even conceptualize what Rune's history is like, a life almost ten times longer than his own, is hard even when He Ming has a well of strange alternate worlds and dimensions to draw from. They might inform him on how to better charm or flatter, but that information is not the same as living through an experience or having Rune tell him. ]

Do you mind that I'm way younger? Sometimes I feel like I don't know so many things compared to you. It's mostly the magic-related stuff, but... I guess it can be weird sometimes.

[ Funny? Rune looks at him curiously and tries to decipher what that might mean without really asking.

Maybe it is strange for those who compare "old" age to someone who looks the part. From what he can remember, his parents had looked young, but he's certain they'd been just as old as he is now—maybe older. A witch's life isn't discerned by the number of years they've been alive anyhow, something that Rune had known but is now experiencing for the first time himself. He's never had anyone to share it with, and He Ming is... He means more to him than he realizes. ]

No. That doesn't matter to me. I've never really thought about you in that way – as just your age. [ There's a pause as he thinks. ] What do you find weird about it? I meant what I said about showing you.

[ In fact, going to his old home might be a good opportunity for both of them as there's a lot of untapped power there. He hopes, at the very least, He Ming will appreciate that. ]

I know you really mean it. [ He hums and taps his fingers on the steering wheel as he thinks about how to articulate what's really different between them. Ultimately, those differences don't bother him. They just make things more interesting. ] It's just not like dating anyone else. Because when I was younger, I was learning math and literature and things. But when you were a kid, you weren't putting on a backpack and going to tennis club after school.

[ They'd grown up in different environments. Their families have—or had—different ways of life. He Ming hums softly and turns his head to look at Rune for a moment before he returns his gaze to the road. ]

And when you were thirty, people weren't telling you to settle down, and get married, and pop out a grandkid or two, right? [ That probably isn't just because of the magic; it depends on the family. He Ming figures he's relatively lucky, because his parents don't push him on furthering the bloodline as long as he's self-sufficient. But he is repeating the attitude he's heard stated by so many relatives. ] That's sort of the deadline for humans to get going.

[ And all because there's a hard cutoff for all humans. He Ming no longer worries about it, knowing that there's so much else, but death is still a fact. ]

We have different expectations, I think. But that's okay. And I'm not thirty yet!

[ Rune lets his eyes shift to the window, looking at at the trees they pass as He Ming talks. Their expectations are different, but Rune has never really had those sorts of goals. He's only had two: become stronger and get revenge. With the tag gone, there's less to worry about, and maybe he should be considering those things. Witches want similar things after all. They want a family, even if they have their coven. They want some reassurance of the future despite living as long as they do.

He's the last of his bloodline and his coven. Shouldn't that be what he wants?

A glance at He Ming, and his expressions falls a little. Maybe. But he wonders what life would be like for them, years from now, when He Ming is much, much older. Rune doesn't want to be alone, and that's something he's going to have to work on to fix now that he's certain it's what he wants. He'll explain that to He Ming after they've spent a few days out in the middle of nowhere together. ]

You're right. I wasn't doing those things. [ In reality, all he was doing was trying to survive. ] But I think it's something we should discuss if we're going to be together for a long time.

[ All those things are so small and insignificant in the scheme of things, and yet, if they mean something to He Ming, Rune wants to try. That's all he's been doing lately, hoping it makes some difference because he knows he can never change the fact he'd put He Ming through much worse than anything he's ever experienced. After several minutes, he directs him to take an exit and follow the road all the way to the end. From there, they'll get out and walk for a little while.

As they're getting out of the car: ] Do you want to get married?

[ Some day, he means. Not necessarily right now or to him. ]

[ Even out of the corner of his eye, Rune's expressions pull He Ming's attention. The desire to make him feel better, however he can, instantly tugs at him. ]

But I can imagine you in a tennis uniform. [ He reaches across the console for his hand. ] We can have our serious talk when we get there.

[ It'll kind of be their first relationship talk. All the stuff with the witches and magic and curses was life-or-death, but it wasn't directly related to how much He Ming likes Rune and being around him—which, to He Ming, is the core of a relationship. All the surrounding mess is no worse than the chaos of the rest of the universe. Besides, the universe doesn't have Rune all to themselves. He Ming curls his grip so his fingertips bunch together in the center of Rune's palm. He doesn't let go until they get out of the car. ]

Married? [ Popping up onto his toes, He Ming looks over the top of the car at Rune with wide eyes. ] —I'd like to. [ He nearly catches himself in the door when he closes it. As fast as he comes around the car to Rune's side, he doesn't grab for his arm again. ] I like weddings. And I want to be married to someone. In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. All of that.

[ If Rune means getting married to him, then that's even better. But they're approaching the place where his parents were murdered, so He Ming doesn't push the question of love or even a courthouse marriage for the moment. Who knows how that'd work with Rune being inhumanly old. ]

How are you feeling?

[ A serious talk. As if they haven't already had some of that on this drive.

But he knows what he means, and Rune's feelings on commitment – even something as slight as marriage – isn't always easy to parse. He'll have to get better at explaining those things to He Ming—if he can. For now, all he does is nod in response to what he's said, wondering what it might be like to live a somewhat normal life with someone who cares for him as equally as he cares for them. It's difficult to consider when he'd never had time to want any of it, but with his magic free and his life mostly his own, there's nothing else has except that.

Rather than dwell on those things, he turns away from the car and looks at the path that ends a few steps from where they've parked. There's nothing but trees and forest here, though he remembers the clearing up ahead as though he'd been there just recently. It's been too long though, and Rune's frowning as he reaches to take He Ming's hand. They can return for their things once he's secured a connection to the place they're actually going; this is just a midway point between here and there. ]

I don't know. [ And remarkably, it's the truth. ] I never wanted to come back, but I want you to know where I come from.

[ Maybe he needs the reminder too, walking with him through the trees and into a grassy field that's empty of everything that should be in it—including wildlife. Rune squeezes He Ming's hand once before letting it go, a quiet indication that he wait there as he moves a few steps away.

The spell is an easy one. He's used it several times before, and it comes much faster to him now that there's nothing inhibiting his magic, recalling how such things had always drained him to the point of exhaustion depending on how far he needed to travel. They're going a particularly long distance as it is, crouching down to rest his hand against the ground and reciting the words that form the anchor as he slowly stands and lifts his arm with it. A faint shimmer rests in the air, and it's what he holds onto with both hands now, pulling in opposite directions as if trying to tear it apart. The doorway that he opens only gives the slightly glimpse of what's on the other side: more grass, more hills, mountains far in the distance. A ring of stones slowly rises up just ahead, their shadows long against the ground as the sun begins to set. ]

Are you ready?

[ Turning to He Ming, he offers his hand to him and ignores the way he can practically feel the whisper of his long-forgotten home calling to him. ]

[ After they step off the terminus of the road, He Ming looks down at the dirt and grass beneath his shoes. It smells different out here. Interlacing his fingers with Rune's, he casts his gaze around, wondering at how Rune had grown up out here. There's barely anything. ]

Well, thanks for bringing me with you. [ This is all he'd wanted. He doesn't need Rune to repeat the exact words back. At the same time, he's ready to say all the sappy stuff out loud himself. Maybe not right now, because Rune seems uncharacteristically off-balance and reserved, and he doesn't know if all the I love you and your faces in the world will help that. He focuses on holding onto his hand when it's offered, sticking close and staying in his orbit. Still, he's not sure if he understands yet, and he considers asking exactly what sort of house Rune lived in.

The touch of his hand is enough of a nudge for him to pause and stand by. The magic, though different than before, still sends a prickly thorn down his spine while the air parts under Rune's hands. There are no hills or mountains like that here. He Ming comes forward and grabs his fingers again. ]

As long as you are. [ Will it feel weird when he steps through that rend in the fabric of space? He Ming looks it up and down, more curious than wary. ] Take me through!

[ When they do step out and into the new place, He Ming's drawn to the stones first. He takes a few steps on his own, blinking as he moves out from under a shadow and the golden sunlight strikes his face. ]

So you grew up... here?

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