drear | i will sail to the far shore

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i will sail to the far shore

[ Los Angeles is a city of easy prey, and that's nice, when he's not feeling up to a chase or trying to find new ways of getting close to Naoto. Not only that, it's where Heine lives.

At first he really thought the guy was fucking his beloved "sister". Continued denials and his own sniffing around have put that thought to rest, and then brought to light a new fact: Heine's pretty easy, too. It probably helps that he knows Magato has no interest in fame or fortune for himself. All Magato really wants is the fucking around—in all meanings of the phrase.

Speaking of fucking around, there's that one guy walking into the bar... Eames, if he remembers correctly. Sorta famous, sorta not, whatever. He definitely has a thing for Snowflake.

So of course Magato turns from where he's sitting at the bar and raises one hand in a lazy wave, fingers curling toward his palm. ]

Fancy seeing you tonight. You come here often?

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[Knowing that Naoto had gone after Magato was giving Eames no small amount of satisfaction, and he didn't bother to hide it much, if at all. If there was anyone capable of punishing Magato proper, it was her, and he was always glad to see her vengeance enacted on anyone that wasn't him.

Well, and Yusuf. He frowned slightly at that, because while Yusuf did make the concoctions, he was honestly harmless.]

As long as that's all she did. She didn't hurt him, right?

No. Just told him it wasn't worth dealing to Magato.

[ Yusuf isn't one Magato's main suppliers, but to cut off any connections between Magato and their social circle is for the best. Heine appreciates that from her. Another bit of help that Heine doesn't really deserve. ]

Magato wasn't— [ He wasn't what Heine wanted, he was just convenient then, someone who was an escape more than anything he wanted to run toward.

Heine inhales, then exhales, sighing before he looks up at Eames. ]

I didn't think we'd make it, so... I didn't want to try. [ Fear or simply not knowing kept him from it. ] I didn't tell you the truth. So, sorry.

[That made Eames relax a little, relieved that Yusuf was fine then. He hadn't approved of his dabblings with Magato either, but he also wasn't one to push. Especially since Magato was volatile, and he hadn't been sure how he would retaliate if Yusuf suddenly stopped dealing with him.

But any relief that crossed over his features was short lived, his expression shuttering shut to unreadable as soon as Heine continued to speak. 'Didn't think they'd make it' huh? Hadn't Eames thought the same about countless other relationships? So why did it make him so angry to hear it from Heine.

He tipped his head up to meet Heine's gaze, smile sardonic and a little cruel.]

We didn't, did we, so you were right.

[Because what kind of bullshit was that, that he'd chose Magato for a reason like that?]

But forget it. I'm glad you're getting better. [Because why talk about feelings when he can just deflect?] How long are you staying here?

[ Well, there's the kind of response Heine was readying himself for. Eames' blank expression says anger, and the worst part of it is that Heine can't blame him.

He can, however, not let Eames get away with just taking his apology and not offering any of his own. ]

A week. [ Heine sighs, more loudly this time. ] I know I fucked up, okay? But you didn't exactly give me any time to change my mind, or act like you wanted me to.

[They're really going to do this here, in some shitty bar, in public for anyone to see or hear? Eames squared his shoulders, almost physically rolling them as if he was readying himself for an actual fight. Instead he scoffed back, arching an eyebrow.]

You made your choice, and you made it many times. I'm not so desperate for attention or connections that I need to wait on you or cling to your coattails.

[ Okay, of course Eames is going to be an ass about this. Heine was an asshole too. He's not going to lose his temper. He's not. ]

Yeah, I know you're not. I'm not here to talk to you because I think you need my help.

[ He's here for himself and for Eames, not for either of their careers. ]

Do you really think I wanted to be with Magato? I didn't know you would give me another chance, since you left right after we talked.

You didn't exactly try to convince me you wanted to try.

[It really was admirable how Heine was keeping his cool in this situation, whereas Eames felt like he was showing far too much, making his hand way too obvious. He clicked his tongue slightly, aggravated but trying to keep his voice steady. And failing miserably.]

And how long should I have waited? Into you might possibly get sober? Until you told me you weren't actually interested three times?

[ With the way Eames is reacting, Heine can see exactly why he gave up in the first place. Eames wanted him then, he could tell, and Heine couldn't reconcile that want with a long-term relationship. Even now he's not sure if he can.

But if Eames is going to get so fired up, it means he still cares. ]

What about telling me you wouldn't ignore me if I ever tried to talk to you again? You barely wanted to meet me tonight. A few months ago I was only hearing about you from other people, so it's not like I felt like I could try to talk to you again.

[While it's certainly cathartic to do the blame slinging game, it also wasn't giving Eames a reason to stay. And still, somehow, after all this time he desperately wanted one. So with effort, he stopped himself from snapping back, taking a deep breath.]

Then what is it you wanted to say back then? Feel free to tell me now.

[ Given the chance, he has to say it, and as hard as it is—it's hard for both of them... and this is what he wanted all along. A chance to tell Eames what he meant. ]

I did want to be with you. I'm sorry I didn't try hard enough. [ Heine shrugs, feeling tired, almost helpless. ]

I do want to try. With actual talking between us this time.

[As someone who would rather be passive aggressive than straight forward, who would rather talk delicate circles around issues than confront them, Heine's honesty was the last thing he was expecting. He was stunned into silence for a few moments, gauging Heine's expression, which was as vulnerable as it was tired.

Now that Heine had laid his cards on the table, Eames should do the same. But after being 'rejected' before, he wasn't sure if he could trust this. If he could trust Heine or himself. But Heine wasn't entirely to blame in all of this. Eames hadn't tried either, that much he could admit to himself. Besides, he had only two choices: to accept this for what it was and try or to go back to being miserable.

It wasn't that difficult of a choice. Rubbing his face tiredly, he let out a shuddering sigh.]

I didn't try enough either, so- So this time let's try. I can't promise this won't crash and burn, but at least this time we can say we tried.

[ The silence is painfully long. It's nothing like the comfortable quiet that lasted between them before in the mornings when Heine was sleeping in his bed on the East Coast, or after a lazy dinner before he went back to the airport for a red eye flight.

This is worse, so much worse. Heine almost starts when Eames speaks to him, pinning him with a sharp look over the table.

But he won't make the mistake of doubting him again. ]

Okay. [ He relaxes slowly back into his seat. They'll both try this time. It'll be different, even if it isn't good, and Eames is right: at least they can say they've tried. ]

I did miss you.

[Just like that, it seemed like the tension had eased out of them both. Eames couldn't say the ill will was gone and the trust replaced, but it was a step in the right direction, a clearing of the air.

Tentatively, he leaned forward, smile tugging just a smidge at the corner of his mouth.]

Yeah? What specifically?

[It was half teasing, half serious.]

[ The awkwardness is there and they can't deny it, but at least they can almost talk like normal people now. Almost. ]

Nothing specifically. [ Heine missed his smile, but like hell he's going to admit it. ] Are you fishing for compliments now?

Don't you think I'm allowed to have a few, all things considered?

[He leaned back in his seat, taking his drink with him, trying to be the perfect picture of someone sulking. But his grin was most likely ruining that image.]

[ Is... is Eames just going to be insufferable from now on? More insufferable than usual?

He's mostly right, though. Heine just doesn't want to admit it. ]

I saw some of your recent videos. You sounded good.

[Eames was definitely going to be more insufferable, congratulations Heine you chose this life.

He grinned at the compliment, pleased, even though for a moment his stomach did uncomfortable flip flops. He hoped that Heine hadn't seen some of the other videos he'd done, the embarrassingly melodramatic covers of sad songs.]

Don't push yourself too hard with those compliments, someone might think you want something from me.

[Still, he'd let it lie for now, instead venturing with:]

So what business brings you out this way? Other than this?

[He gestured between the two of them lazily.]

[ They each chose their lives unfortunately. Heine rolls his eyes at Eames and his retort. ]

I'm meeting with someone for a new song. Work. The usual.

[ Eames' recent releases had been sort of dreary, and a brief conversation with Mal suggested it was partially his fault. Not that she laid the blame on him, but it was one more bit of encouragement that got Heine off of Magato and on a plane to the east coast. ]

Are you working on anything new?

Anyone I would have heard of?

[Despite everything, he still respected Heine's work, considering he seemed to have an eye for talent and improvement.

He hummed thoughtfully at Heine's question, tipping his head to the side, considering. They could make small talk at the bar for a while, or they could head to Eames' house. He did want Heine's opinion on his work, but considering everything that had just happened... Well, what was the worst that could happen?]

Only a few things, but I'd like to get your opinion on them. Are you free?

Someone Mimi knows. I'm not sure if you'd know them.

[ Heine's gauge of the public mood isn't always on base; that's why he has an agent. And Naoto. ]

Yeah, I'm free. You want to go now?

That girl knows everyone. It's hard to say.

[That being said, he wasn't too interested in discussing Heine's other business at the moment. He flagged down the server to get his bill, grinning.]

Sure. Try not to be too blown away by it.

[Time to delete most of those corny break up songs he'd been working on.]

Yeah, I'll keep my expectations low.

[ Heine pays off his own bill before they leave. This is more normal, though their usual pattern would include sex. Tonight Heine doesn't know if that's going to happen, but he's okay if it doesn't. They have more than physical desire in common. ]

So what kind of things have you been working on?

Don't make it sound like that's the norm.

[He tucked his hands into his pockets as he ambled forward, turning to glance at Heine.]

I've been experimenting with more retro 80's type of music.

[Or Toto lbr.]

Did you drive here?

[ I BLESS THE RAINS DOWN IN AFRICA ]

No, took a car. Did you?

[ With maybe half a drink in each of them, Heine isn't worried about getting in Eames' car if he did get himself here; calling a ride isn't hard either.

Though if Eames were driving Heine might have a slight excuse to not talk to him. ]

Same here.

[Because he figured he would either storm out right away or that he would wind up getting plastered and be unable to drive himself home.

He stepped out onto the sidewalk to flag down a cab, glancing over at Heine.]

Are you staying close to here?

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